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The Best Books on Success!

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If you’re working on thriving in life “one bite at a time,” I’m sure you’re actively working on learning all you can about success and different life skills you might need to achieve your goals–even if your goal, like so many here at the Hungry Dater, is to find a great person to share your life with.  In my education on this subject, I have been fairly self-taught.  But my teachers, through the books they’ve written, are all epic.  Below is a list of the best books on success, based on those which are most accessible and have had the best results for me in my own life and those of my clients.  So without further ado, the best books on success–according to me!

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How to Attract “The One” with the Law of Attraction – Part 2

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Happy Wednesday!  And welcome to the second of our four-series called “How to Attract ‘the One’ with the Law of Attraction.”

Recap

In “Part 1“, we discussed the “planning” stages of utilizing the law of attraction to attract your perfect mate.  The planning includes: doing some self-searching to know exactly what it is you want, and then looking into the reasons you may be subconsciously holding yourself back from that.

This month, we’re looking at the first set of the “action” steps that must be taken to meet that special someone.

The Law of Attraction Still Requires Action

Now, in my experience, most people would consider “action” steps to be things like: putting an online profile up, getting a nice haircut, and refurbishing your wardrobe.  Of course, I’m a proponent of all those things.  I think the more you to do put yourself out there and feel good about yourself, the easier it will be to meet someone amazing.  However, when we’re talking about “actions” in regards to the law of attraction, we’re talking about taking mental steps to prepare yourself for and attract to yourself exactly the life you want.

Remember those inner restrictions we talked about last time?  Time to start working your way out of them.  For instance, all the reasons you tell yourself you haven’t found “the one” yet:  Time to get over it.  The only reason you haven’t met them is YOU.  You are the holdup.  You’re allowed to have what you want, so it’s time to realize these subconscious thoughts are only hurting and limiting you.

Use Your Language as a Map to Your Beliefs

Sometimes it’s difficult to see exactly what these beliefs are.  We’ve been cultivating and supporting them in our own personas for so long that we don’t even know they’re there.  The easiest way to discover these hidden minefields of your mind is to start watching what you say to other people about yourself—that will reveal your thoughts.  A great example of this is self-deprecating humor.

Self-deprecating humor is the great reveal-er of our inner beliefs.  Of course, we all say “I’m just being funny,” but behind any joke is SOME level of truth or belief.  When I referred to myself as the “single girl who helps all the other singles negotiate the perils of dating,” I stayed a single girl dealing with perilous dates.  Under that giggle was a belief I was feeding.  As soon as I changed my language to “I’m a girl looking for my perfect one and helping others do the same through food,” my whole life changed.

Sabotage and Protection are One in the Same

After you investigate your self-deprecating humor and start cutting that shit out, it will be easier to start trailing your thoughts.  You’ll start to notice things you might be doing to a) sabotage yourself; or b) PROTECT yourself.  That’s right.  So much of this language we use on ourselves is for our own protection.  We hedge.  “I like my single life so much, I’m good either way.”  This is hedging.  You WANT something.  When you hedge, you sabotage your ultimate goal by telling the universe you’re ok with something “less than.”  You have to tell the universe exactly what you want.  Let yourself WANT IT!  That’s the only way you’ll get it.  Say you want the perfect relationship. 

The more you listen to your own thoughts, the more you can change them to reflect your desires.

What You Put into Your Body (and Mind), the Law of Attraction will Give Back

As I was doing this self exploration regarding my own language around my relationship status, I realized something else:  it’s not just my own language that’s important, but it’s everything I listen to, watch, hang out with, and experience that also influences my outcome.  I know it sounds strange, but if I’m spending days at a time watching SVU, my relationship always gets a little bit more rocky.  But if I’m on a high of Gilmore Girls and RomComs, in addition to hanging with people who are high energy and supportive, my entire energy—and my entire life—shifts for the better right along with it.  Crazy, I know, but I swear it’s true.  Try it!  See what happens when you put yourself on a “negativity fast.”  That shit works.

Change Your Language, Change Your (Love)Life

So there it is.  Your first steps to finding your perfect mate, job, house, or life…  CHANGE YOUR LANGUAGE.  All of it.  Both inner and outer, absorption and egress.  Make every word, thought, article, meme, TV show, joke, innermost belief, and comment work toward exactly the life you desire.  I promise, you’ll get it.

***For a great list of books to help you get started with this study, click here.

How to Attract “The One” with the Law of Attraction – Part 4

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We’ve recently been discussing how to attract “The One” with the law of attraction and create the love life you’ve always wanted.  Before The Hungry Dater re-discovered itself, we focused a lot on the dating part of relationships and talked a lot about “surviving” it.  Little did I know, my focus on survival mode meant all the universe handed me was things I had to survive.  Though, it also turned out that by me learning that, I’m now able to teach all of you everything I wish I’d known sooner to make your love life (and your life life) perfection.

Recap

So the last three steps in this series have consisted of 1) making goals and learning your limiting beliefs around them; 2) changing your language to set yourself up to achieve the life you ACTUALLY want; and 3) changing the “language” you both give and receive through media consumption, affirmations, meditation, and visualization.  Really, you now have all the tools you need to create the exact life (and love) you want.  However, there is one major component left that if you don’t know about it, you may never succeed–even with all the tools you now have.  That is the tests you’ll face while your life is changing.

An Object in Motion…

The physical law of motion states that an object in motion wants to stay in motion as that is its current, natural state, and it takes more work to change than it does to continue on.  It’s the same with the energy and trajectory of our lives.  Whatever “motion” a person’s life is already in is easier to maintain than to change.  This includes your singledom.  Becoming a part of a couple rather than being on your own is different.  What we’re discussing here is change.  And that isn’t as easy for the universe.  There’s effort involved.

Testing the Effort

“Effort” is a tiring word for pretty much everyone and everything.  The universe is no different.  So, while the Universe really wants you to have everything you’ve ever wanted, it’s still going to test you in the interim.  You have been telling the Universe for your whole existence that this is “fine” or even “good.”  You’ve been giving the Universe license to be lazy.  You’ve told it you want it this way simply by complying.  By testing your resolve, the Universe is making sure it isn’t expending unnecessary effort.  It’s going to make absolutely sure you mean it this time since you’re essentially changing your story on it.

How do these tests come up?

Tests come in many shapes and sizes.  In the case of relationships, tests can present themselves in several ways.  Some of the most common I’ve experienced (and seen with my private coaching clients) include: 1) the same type of unworthy non-partner being presented to you a few times after you decide to find the right kind of person; 2) timing that forces you to be patient (I had this situation myself with BB since he had just gotten a divorce and wasn’t ready to jump right into another relationship); or even 3) the worst kind of test, self-sabotage from fear.

Anytime you see these situations in your own “new” love life, DON’T. GIVE. UP.  These are simply tests.  You’ve been content with your old life and the Universe is content to continue doing less work to give you contentment.  It’s just making sure you MEAN it.  You have to remember you DO.

Emotion Acceptance

One of the other things that comes up and can feel like a test is emotion acceptance.  We are so used to “being positive,” or “not letting anything bother us.”  “Let it go,” is a very normal and regular thing we say to ourselves when we’re feeling negative emotions.  However, what we don’t understand is the discomfort of these negative emotions teaches us things.  But often, we’re so concerned with “being positive,” that we completely repress these emotions for fear that they’re expressed negativity.  However, when these things are repressed, they aren’t addressed.  You have to address these emotions in order to learn their lessons and move past them.

This can be difficult.  We spend our lives avoiding these negative emotions.  And after Part 3’s lesson, we want to only take in the things that will lift us to where we want to be.

Learn the Lesson and Move Forward

By “accepting” the negative emotions, I’m not suggesting you want to feel them and continue feeling them until you wallow.  You feel them until you accept them, and 9 times out of 10, you’re then able to move on.  And honestly, more often than not, something shifts with that acceptance that removes the negative feeling completely.

And extremely embarrassing example of this is when BB and I first started “talking,” we would often go days without even a text.  (Like I say, he was freshly from a previous relationship and this whole “forever” thing really was new to me.)  After several long, arduous hours filled with repressed low self esteem from not hearing from him; I would then remind myself that it was okay to be sad about things.  I would take a deep breath and allow myself to feel sad, frustrated, or upset that I hadn’t heard from him in however long.  I can’t tell you how many times I would accept those emotions, fully feel them, and move on–only to receive some sort of communication within minutes.  And most of those times that communication would be an hourS long phone conversation (who does that?).

Through those Tests and Emotions is YOUR BLISS

I’m not telling these stories to brag about my new-found relationship.  I’m simply sharing what I’ve learned so that you too can find your own perfection.  None of these things are comfortable.  Tests in relationships can consist of fights, days without speaking, and old “flings” being tossed across your path just to see if you really mean you want something meaningful.  Emotion acceptance can include feeling sad over a man you hardly know, being frustrated because someone you really like is no longer speaking to you, or even feeling so alone you’d rather crawl under your covers and cry than go on yet ANOTHER blind date.  These are all things we experience and all really important lessons for us to learn.

Conclusion

Once you make it through these tests by accepting the emotions and assuring the Universe (and yourself) that you do indeed want a change, the life that waits on the other side will be amazing.  This won’t necessarily be easy, but the process of recognizing these tests for what they are, accepting the emotions that may be associated with them, and moving forward into your new life will, on the other side, seem so amazingly simple you’ll giggle at yourself when looking back.

Love you all!  Happy Cooking!

Specific Goals for a Specific Life

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“Vague goals produce vague results.”  This is a major theme in the teachings of both Jen Sincero (You Are a Badass) and Jack Canfield (The Success Principles).  They are two of my favorite teachers in the world of living your best life.  So the deal is, the more specific the goals, the better your results will be.

I can’t thank you all enough for your patience with me.  This New Year. I’ve been tested to utilize my own teachings a LOT.  Subsequently, I’ve really struggled with staying on top of things here at THD.  But as promised, here is the post on “specific goals” originally planned for the first week in January (and here we are in the first week of February–insert eyeroll here):

New Years’ Resolutions…

The beginning of the year is a great time for those of us who are looking to re-affirm our commitments to living our best lives.  However, New Years is a time when most people create “resolutions.”  All too often those resolutions are forgotten with the start of February and the promise of spring.  I just read the other day the top 10 resolutions are as follows (as reported by Time online here):

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is a great list.  And if New Years is what it takes for us to better our lives and the world, I’m all for that.  However, what I’ve noticed with these “resolutions” is people don’t stick with them because they really aren’t goals.  And what’s more–they aren’t specific.

Resolutions?  Nope.  GOALS!

As we’ve discussed in the series “Attracting ‘the One’ with the Law of Attraction,” the Universe wants us to have exactly the life we want.  However, it’s difficult (both for us and for the Universe) to hone in on exactly what that is if we haven’t thought it out with specific goals or visions in mind.

“Specific goals” seems like such an easy concept.  Then you get into it and realize there is a LOT to specificity.  Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles (buy your copy here), says that he will have his clients make their “specific” goals and then he helps them whittle them down even 5 or 6 times further.  He does so by asking detailed questions about what the client really means.  The questions include timeline, type, detail, places, people, and numbers.

Specificity

Resolutions don’t usually offer this kind of specificity.  “Lose Weight and Get Fit” leaves a lot to be desired.  This is why I really think New Years resolutions should be changed to “Goals for the New Year.”  And while I had intended and planned for this post to be in January, perhaps it’s fitting it’s being posted in February as that is the time when these “resolutions” tend to start waning.  But because these aren’t resolutions, they’re goals, hopefully starting in February will push us through that February drop off.  We want our goals to stick.

I have always liked making goals.  I like the process of sitting down, dreaming out my best life, and making a written plan of how I’m going to get there.  But make no mistake, it still isn’t easy for me to make the goals specific enough to really make a dent.  Even for someone like me who not only likes making goals but who has studied these principles extensively (and teaches them to others), the specificity can be really difficult to nail down.

Specificity:  Harder than it Looks

My problem lies with making specific goals.  I find that even when I think my goals are specific, they aren’t specific enough to show the Universe what I really want and need.  I know that if Jack ever took any of my goals that I have already whittled down significantly, he’d have roughly 1800 more questions which would make the goals even more specific within minutes.

So now that it’s February and all the “resolution” making is out of all our systems, this really is a great month to sit down and make our new goals and make sure they are as specific as possible so our new lives can begin!

The best way to go about getting your goals as specific as possible is to sit down just like you would on any other goal making day.  Write down between 5 and 10 of your best goals for the month, the year, the decade, or just your life in general.  Don’t worry about specificity right away, just write the goals as they come to you.  Make sure they are important to you.  You can even take the resolution list you may have made last month and turn them into goals.

First Pass

Once you have your goals written down as they’re supposed to be, go back and reread them.  Look at them with a new eye and see where maybe you’re being vague.  The first on the list of resolutions is a great example:  “Lose Weight and Get Fit” is really vague.  As you look at your goals with a more careful eye, go back through and write more specifics below each goal.  In the previous example, some great ways you could specify are 1) how much weight; 2) what does fitness mean to you? Is it a body fat percentage, how much you can bench press, how much you weigh, or how often you go to the gym?  These will all give you insights into making a better goal for yourself; and 3) how much time are you giving yourself to achieve your goal?  Once you look inside yourself and get more specific answers to these specific questions, you’ll be better on your way to more specific goals and more specific results.

Look Deeper…

After you answer these questions around your original goals, look at the goals and the answers as a whole and re-write your goals with the specifics included.  For instance, in our above example, you may have written “1) lose 20 lbs.; 2) be able to do 10 pull ups and have a BMI below 25; 3) I want to do this in 6 months.”  These are all much more specific answers.  So when you look at your original goal “Lose Weight and Get Fit” in addition to your new answers, your new, more specific goal may be something along the lines of “I want to lose 20 lbs., have a BMI below 25, and be able to do 10 pull ups:  all in 6 months.”

Aaaaaaaand DEEPER.

Obviously, this is much more specific.  However, here is where Jack would tell you it still isn’t good enough.  And once he started asking you more questions, you’d feel silly that you thought it was so specific initially.  He’d say, “How are you going to lose that weight?  What habits do you need to develop?  Are you going to run, eat better, go to the gym?  If so, what specific eating habits are you going to cultivate?  How many vegetable servings will you eat every day?  Will you run a certain number of miles per week?  How often?  What time on what days will you go to the gym?  If you want a BMI below 25, does that mean you want it to be 24.99?  Or is there a specific number you want?  “In six months?”  Six months from when?  What date and time will you expect for your 20 lbs. to be absolutely off your body?  How do you plan to train to do pull ups?

It gets to the point where it seems ridiculous.  But the exercise speaks for itself.  Suddenly we realize we’ve been “ho-humming” our way through our goal making–which, when you think about it, is one of THE most important things of our lives when it comes to living your best life.

Specificity is Loooooooooooooooong

One of the things I’ve noticed with these specific goals is, I used to make a goal that was a line or so long.  They could easily be made to be a list because a single-lined goal makes a great bullet point.  But what I discovered in using these new goal-making skills is, real goals–the specific ones that actually get results–are actually quite long.  They should be like writing an entire paragraph of plans, times, numbers, and instructions.

After you get your goal down, go back one more time and look at the language you’ve used.  Did you say things like “I want to” or “I’ll try”? If so, that’s the next change that has to be made.  These goals have to be written like it’s already done.  “At 10:30 a.m. on August 5, 2020, I weigh 150 lbs and can do 10 pull ups.  To get there I’m going to the gym Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 6:30 a.m., rain or shine, for one hour to be spent on the treadmill, pull up machine, weight room, and stationary bike in 4 circuits of 15 minutes, switching the weight exercises every week.”

Even after you get your whole paragraph down, it may behoove you to take a week and go back and look to make sure you haven’t missed anything.

Conclusion?  Worth it Work.

If this seems like a lot of work, it is.  But what I’ve learned is that if you REALLY want a different life, if it’s really important enough to you, the work shouldn’t feel onerous.  In fact, it should be fun!  In addition, in making these goals–making sure your language is specific and as if it’s already happened–you’re actually able to practice a lot of the other Law of Attraction skills that will help bring your goals closer.  You’ll be forced to visualize your life and what it will be like when you achieve your goals.  You’ll pay super close attention to your language (positive only, people!), and you can even make sure to write these goals from a place of gratitude.  All these skills will bring them closer.

If you have questions, make sure to comment below.

Happy belated New Years!  And happy goal making!  The Universe wants this for you.  Don’t ever forget that.  Go get ’em!!!

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