Whole living can be tough. And honestly, I’m not sure where I got the term. But to me, “whole living” is approaching life with an intent to stay healthy and balanced by focusing on your health in several life “areas,” while not being so stringent that you suck all the wonderful joy from your existence. If there is one way to “suck” the joy out of life for modern women, it’s with the discussion of fertility. So many of us are struggling with a lack of fertility these days for a whole variety of reasons. Enter Modern Fertility and their at-home approach to heading these problems off before they’re big issues.
What I think often gets overlooked (even by me), is that “Whole Life” living is as much a part of relationships as the relationships are of a whole life. Relationships make our lives worth living (romantic or otherwise) and contribute in a large way to the “whole” life. Conversely, without whole living and the health it produces, we’re never going to be prepared to meet the person we’re looking for.
One of the ways this has become a real issue in our lives is regarding fertility.
Modern life is just different from what it used to be. We go to school later, start careers later, get married later (or not at all), and have families later. Our priorities have shifted–but that doesn’t mean we don’t want the same things as past generations. And even if we don’t, just because we’re waiting to have children (or not) doesn’t mean that we don’t want the option–just on our own terms.
Science is amazing. It has extended our life spans, allowed us to live through things we otherwise wouldn’t live through, and allowed us to extend our maternal ages. But even these scientific advancements come with costs. I cannot tell you how many of my friends and family members have had to go through fertility treatments just to become parents, simply because we’re waiting. I’m sure we’ve all seen those beautiful photos of the baby with the heart made of needles surrounding them–all the needles that went into conceiving and carrying that baby. But as much as this is a wonderful development, it’s also a glaring example of a hardship that’s often created by our current lifestyle choices. We may be financially, mentally, and maritally way more ready for children when we start having them nowadays, but our bodies aren’t always cooperative.
For those of us later-aged singles, this can be one of those back-of-the-mind stresses that weighs on us further the older we get and the more of our friends we witness going through these treatments. We’ve seen it all, from the friends who burst into tears at a party at the very mention of babies, to the people who actively and loudly judge women for having fertility treatments because perhaps “it’s simply meant to be” that they shouldn’t have children. Three words for those people on behalf of my wonderful friends: “Go f&%# yourself.” Even if you aren’t sure you want kids, having these experiences on the periphery of your life increases concern that your currently-single life might prevent you from having a traditionally “fulfilling” life later.
Knowledge is Power
There were many times in the last several years that I thought it would be really helpful to know ahead of time whether I was going to have the same fertility issues my friends are dealing with. As much as I never wanted to plan my life around the “possibility” of some baby in the far future that I wasn’t even sure I wanted, a person can do a lot for themselves when they’re armed with knowledge. It might encourage me to date more seriously, freeze my eggs, or even rethink my idea of what a fulfilling life really looks like for me. Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time that two women got together and saw this need in many of us and came up with a solution. Enter Modern Fertility with their revolutionary at-home, self-administered fertility blood test.
I’m not sure how I found Modern Fertility. I have a feeling the “big brother” that is Facebook probably heard me thinking about these issues and gave me a perfectly-timed ad telling me exactly what I wanted to hear–that I had a right to this knowledge even without spending an “unnecessary” thousands at the doctor. I ordered immediately. Not only had this been in the back of my mind for an awfully long time, but honestly, I was just curious. I wondered if knowing more information would change the way I lived my life. I suppose there was also a sense of “at least if I know, I can plan accordingly.” If, for instance, I discovered my fertility was lacking, perhaps it would be easier to change my life goals and reassess my priorities before having to deal with the gut-wrenching news when I actually wanted a baby.
My Experience
After I received the test, you have to wait a certain amount of time in your cycle to do the bloodwork. For me, my window ended up happening on a Saturday morning, which, honestly, was great. No pressure, I was able to read the instructions thoroughly, and it gave me sufficient time to be a complete freak about the actual pricking of my own finger.
Now, just as an aside for all of you: I. HATE. NEEDLES. I can’t stand them. But this felt important enough to “brave” the finger prick. That didn’t stop me from wavering for about fifteen minutes trying to psych myself up for this minuscule puncture in my finger. At some point, I even sat down because I was afraid I was going to pass out on my hard wood floors–not sexy or safe for a girl who lives alone. But I’m proud to say, I survived without passing out, and it was a way bigger deal in my head than it was in real life.
After that, I collected the blood on the cards and filled out my name, the date of the sample, and other necessary information on the cards before popping them in the mail according to the instructions.
When you do these things in the medical arena, you can pretty much bet you’re going to wait several weeks for results of any tests like this. With Modern Fertility, I was shocked to see that within two weeks, I had my results. Not only that, but the Dashboard at ModernFertility.com is so easy to use and read. They even explain each reading so that a layperson can understand exactly what each test indicates in her panel.
Unexpected Results
So what were my results? It turns out, for my age, I have a very good chance of having children easily (yikes–who’s glad for birth control?). My hormone levels are good and within the “normal” ranges on almost everything. I did find that my “Free T4” was ALMOST low, and because I’ve had thyroid issues for so long, I did take that result to my general practitioner, who is running some more tests just to be sure my meds are working the way they should. But on a whole, I’m a good candidate for being an “Advanced Maternal Age” mother quite easily.
What it All Means to Me
Knowing all this, I wondered if it really helped me mentally or not. You can’t plan for life, and things could happen in my body that a) haven’t happened yet, or b) that may be too scientifically advanced to detect with an at-home test. But what I decided was that if nothing else, this was just one more way to alleviate some unnecessary anxiety. Another “tool” in modern life that helps me make choices.
But what happened emotionally was much more surprising for me. Little did I know, this process also led me to think more seriously about “traditional fulfillment” and what I really wanted out of life. As I started thinking more seriously, I realized maybe traditional fulfillment really isn’t for me. Now, don’t get me wrong. There was nothing about the test itself that led me that direction. But the experience forced me to explore what I WANTED rather than what I just expected my life to look like. It turns out, I don’t want my own kids.
Life’s Expectations
I always expected to follow in a “nuclear family” path. I come from a home with both parents who are still married after almost 40 years, and obviously as a relationship writer, I always wanted a partner in my life–expecting that would come with eventual babies. But as I thought more about my feelings toward children, I realized they’ve always been conflicted. I love children. I love conversing with them, getting to know them, playing with them, and connecting with them. I read Harry Potter annually, have seen almost every Disney movie ever made, and enjoy young adult fiction better than the adult stuff. One problem: Babies have always stumped me. Not only “stumped,” I’ve been downright freaked around them for pretty much my entire life. I suddenly was faced with the possibility I had simply been planning this “normal” nuclear life out of sheer societal expectation.
I’m sure a lot of people would ask me then, “Do you regret taking the time and money to have yourself tested? Wouldn’t you have rathered do this self-exploration on your own and saved the money?” My answer: Sure, but I never would have done this on my own. Modern Fertility helped me open the lines of communication with myself. It’s like having a personal trainer or a life coach. Could you exercise on your own? Of course. But there’s something about being held accountable to someone else that makes the process easier.
So no. I don’t wish I’d have done this on my own. Modern Fertility gave me the tools to open my mind to a “new normal,” and much more quickly than had I made this discovery organically without this experience.
As it turns out, I was pretty much the only one in my life who DIDN’T realize that having babies probably isn’t for me. Since this experience, all my friends have told me they think the step-parent role is probably going to be ideal for me. Kids, no babies. I can relate to them, play with them, read with them… But I don’t have to go through the baby years to get there. And the more I think on it, the more I realize my friends are right. Having a baby would likely make me miserable. Having step-kids, though? Seems pretty awesome to me, even if society thinks that all that might mean is my “biological clock” is broken.
Living What Makes ME Happy
So what is my “new normal?” The opportunity to create my life in a way that’s going to make ME happy, not society. And hey, isn’t that what this modern culture and generation is all about? We’re finally using TOOLS to help us achieve the balance we desire in our lives. We hire people to help us in the areas of our lives that we feel don’t deserve our attention. We have cleaning people, dog walkers, and delivery services for just about everything. These are all tools that help us live our own “happy.” Help us to focus on the things that make our hearts sing, while still keeping balance and making sure all the “necessaries” are accomplished.
Modern Fertility simply offered me one more tool to help me design my perfect life. And think about it: Had my inner discovery been any different, MF would also have been giving me wonderful insight into what my timelines should be or what sort of precautions I should be taking to protect my fertility status. That’s important.
So here’s to the life tools of this new generation. And here’s to Modern Fertility. A company who is helping modern women live the lives WE create and want, one tool at a time.
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