The Hungry Dater

I can’t help but to think this is an appropriate post around what-would-normally-be high school graduation time.  Achievement has always been a wonderful theme of graduations…  And this year, it almost seems it should be moreso since things are so “up in the air.”  Our kids are suspended in time and space with little direction due to the circumstance of their graduations.  But hey, the Universe works in very meticulous ways, so it really isn’t a surprise to me that this post was planned at exactly the time our society needed it.

It’s no secret that part of thriving in this life is living exactly the way you want to.  This means setting goals and changing your mind and life to achieve them.  But what people don’t always talk about is it’s difficult to do these things only on your own.  Just as it takes a “village to raise a child,” it takes a community–a Team–to help a person achieve their personal dreams.

This team is vital to your success.  With them, you are supported so that you are at your best to set your goals and address any problems or tests you come across while achieving them.  Just because you are going to reach those goals, does not mean you have to do it alone.

Coach

I cannot stress enough how important a coach is.

When we talk about “coaches” in relation to achieving your goals, we’re referring to a “Success Coach.”  This is a person who helps you wade through the inevitable muck that will get in your way along the path to achieving your dreams.

So many people feel that having a Success Coach is frivolous or stupid.  They feel if they’ve read all the books and made a true commitment within themselves, there is no reason to have a coach.  I used to be one of these people.  If anyone had ever told me they were thinking of hiring a “life coach” or a success coach back before I started my own success journey, I likely would have laughed at them.

Here’s the thing though…  If your four year old (or any child, for that matter), came to you and told you she wanted to be an Olympic gymnast, would you say to her, “Awesome, Honey!  Now, go out on your own and master your triple flips.  No dinner until it’s done.”?  No!  You’d look up the local gymnastics coaches, check prices, check class times, and sign her up.  You’d never dream of making your child flounder on her own.  More than that, you’d never expect she’d be able to!  Gymnastics is a specified art, which needs to be taught.  She would need someone to lead her through the learning (and inevitable failing) process to achieve that dream.  Do you see my meaning?

It’s amazing that we’re so willing to help our kids.  So willing to see that their dreams need teachers.  Why, then, do we resist giving ourselves the same honors we bestow on our kids?  Why do we not see that success, just like gymnastics, needs to be taught and learned?  While we ARE born to succeed, most or many of us have spent most of our lives learning everything we can to PREVENT ourselves from succeeding.  So it stands to reason, we need a teacher to take us by the hand and RE-LEARN the skills we need to be successful.

A success coach can be a second pair of eyes.  They’re there to step back and see the unseen.  We get so close to our own lives, it’s no wonder we miss things in them.  It makes sense that someone displaced from the situation would be more able to find the little things that, if changed, would make huge differences in our outcomes.

Dr. Habib Sadeghi states that if a ship were to change it’s course even one degree between London and New York, it would end up HUNDREDS of miles from its destination.  His point is: the little changes count.  I take a different look at that comment.  The way I see it, if such small things can make such a huge difference, WHAT HAPPENS IF I MISS ONE!  Small things are so easy for us to overlook in ourselves.  Why not find someone who can take those small things and bring them out.  We’ll save ourselves hundreds of miles.  It’s so much easier for a displaced person to see the little things than it is for us to see them ourselves.

Doctor

When we’re talking about success, a doctor seems like a strange addition to a team.  However, as we’ve always discussed on THD, physical health is a major component of “thriving.”  If you aren’t in top physical health, you can’t reach any of your goals–mental or physical.

Many people’s fitness goals are their measure of success.  And when that is the case, a doctor MUST be on your team.  But even when our success is more about money, family time, balance, career…  Those are all things which are supported by maintaining your ideal physical health.

Keep in mind, I did not say “fitness,” I said health.  Trust me when I say, I am a believer that “fitness” is only one component of thriving “health.”  And I also believe you can have top health without being in the best “fitness” shape of your life.  I believe that’s important, but health must be achieved before fitness.  And the only way you can do that is with a doctor’s oversight.

When looking for a doctor for your team, you must find one who supports your health outlook.  If you want all-around whole-health, it would be unwise to find a doctor who only focuses on symptoms and blood tests.  If you are a bigger person (but healthy and active), you wouldn’t want to hire a doctor who only focuses on the scale.  And as a vegan athlete, you can’t have a doctor who doesn’t support your food choices.  First, if your doctor doesn’t appreciate your lifestyle, you won’t go.  Second, even if you do go, they’ll spend the whole time trying to rearrange your beliefs.

You’re arranging this team to HELP you THROUGH tests, not to give you extra ones.

Therapist

Your therapist does for your mind, what your doctor does for your body, and a coach does for your resolve.  A therapist is trained to draw things out of the mind which may be otherwise holding you back.  They help you address any issues which effect the health of your mind, and are trained to have insights you may be too close to see yourself.

On the path to greatness, there are sure to be a great number of potholes.  There, was that fortune cookie enough for you?  But seriously, it’s true.  While we’re working toward achieving our inner most dreams, there will always be bumps.  As those of you who are regulars here at THD (and in the “self-help” world) know, we call them “tests.”

Tests can totally derail us. It’s frustratingly often that we go through these tests and feel like the Universe is “telling” us to throw in the towel.  But that just isn’t true.  It’s actually the Universe “creaking” into place for your new life.  When you move in the morning, do your bones not creak?  They protest and complain that you’re getting out of bed.  But that doesn’t stop you from going to the gym at 6:00.  They are just taking some time to get going.  It’s the same with your goals.  There are going to be some creaks along the way.

A therapist’s job can be to help us to see these tests as what they truly are.  Push back.  Poking.  Prodding by the Universe to make sure you mean it.  When you’re on your own and your car breaks down right after you open your own business, all you might see is a big dollar sign and the feeling you’re in over your head.  A therapist (or a coach, come to think of it) will be able to see that you STILL don’t believe you deserve happiness.  You weren’t paying attention when you backed into that person when you were on the brink of bliss.

Let’s be honest, there’s also a wonderful comfort in someone who will listen to our problems with a completely neutral attitude and kick our asses in the right direction when we need it.

Many think a therapist is an opportunity to “pay someone to listen to you whine.”  I don’t feel that at all.  I think a therapist is a seminal part of an amazing team that will help you be your best.

Assistant

I recently started my own Law Practice.  It isn’t something I EVER thought I would do.  I expected to be big firm forEVER.  But two things it showed me: 1) don’t ignore the Universe when it points you in a direction–it will hit you.  HARD.  And 2) the value of an amazing assistant CANNOT be overstated.

Now, I understand that when you’re first going out on your own and don’t know right from left in your new business, hiring an assistant can be daunting.  Everyone will tell you you’re ridiculous to spend money before you make it.

While I used to completely agree with this financial generality, knowing what I know now about the law of attraction, I think it’s shortsighted.  An assistant helps you with the things you aren’t great at so you can focus on your strengths.  And hey, if you’re as lucky as I am in my legal business, you’ll even get an assistant who knows more about everything else than you do.  You’re paying someone to help you with your work and teach you at the same time!

Mentor

A mentor is someone who is already in the position you want to be in.  This person can help you seek your fortune more easily because they’ve already walked the path.  (Wow, there’s that fortune cookie again.)

This is a person who has achieved some part of something you want to achieve.  They can give you insights into your goals and the obstacles you may find in their pursuit.  You might talk to this person once a month or daily.  Some people are lucky enough to already have this person in their lives, but others need to contact him or her and ask to start a mentorship relation.

One way or another, I really believe this will be a very important person on your team.

Family and Friends

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention family and friends.  If you’re as lucky as I am, you happen to have a family and friends who support (almost) your every move.  These are people that can keep you on track–or send you off your rails–almost faster than anyone else.

If you’re supported by your core community in your life, there’s very little you won’t be able to do.  If they don’t support you, you will have to have a “come to Jesus” moment, either with yourself or with them.  You’ll have to decide whether you’re going to tell them they’d “better” support you; or whether you’re going to cut them loose while you achieve your dreams.

Maybe I’m naive, but I think -for the most part people WANT to support their closest “peeps.”  That’s in the good facts category.  Because if you have the support of these people in your life, you’ll be UNSTOPPABLE.  It’s my greatest wish for you that this is your fate.

Conclusion

So here’s the thing:  There ARE people who have achieved their dreams without this team in their corner.  But honestly, they’re few and far between and they are those people who just INHERENTLY keep going.  They know their destiny and they go for it.  I’m not saying it isn’t possible to gain success without this team.  What I am saying is, it’s likely to be a LOT more difficult.  Most of us struggle to keep going when we don’t have support.  That’s what your team does for you.

So here’s to achieving our dreams to thrive in our BEST lives!!!  Gather your team, keep your chin up, know it’s your destiny, and never. Stop. Striving.  In no time this will be a community of overachievers.

Happy Success!  Happy Achievement!  And Happy Cooking (your life and success, that is)!